Hey guys, time to put good taste aside this weekend and come to the premiere of the comedy-horror flick I'm in - and I sing the theme song for - premiering this weekend in San Francisco.

I'll be there for Friday night's 7:30 show!

Hope to see you there!

Don't come if you're squeamish. Like, seriously. It's a gross flick :-)

Funny as hell. Arguably more funny than gross, but I won't mince words.

Here's the poop from the directors (Rick Popko and Dan West):

SF world premiere of "RetarDEAD," a feature-length horror/comedy from
the creators of "Monsturd."

The premiere will be held at San Francisco's Victoria Theatre
Located at: 2961 16th Street (BART accessible! - 16th Street Station)
San Francisco, CA 94103
(415) 863-7576

Tix are $10, and advanced tix can be purchased online at:
http://www.victoriatheatre.org/calendar.htm

Showtimes are:
July 11 & 12 (Friday and Saturday): 7:00 p.m. & 9:30 p.m.
July 13 (Sunday): 5:30 & 7:30 p.m.

Important: Limited edition barf bags will be handed out to the first 500 ticket
holders!

The filmmakers will be on hand to host a Q&A after each show.

The trailer and a Creative Commons MP3 of the end theme song can be
found here:

http://www.4321films.com/retardead/index.html

Story synopsis:
Evil has come to the Butte County Institute of Special Education, and its students will never be the same.

After surviving a ferocious battle with his own monstrous creation, Dr. Stern returns to continue his horrible research in this blood-drenched sequel to the cult hit "Monsturd." Armed with a fatal hyper-intelligence serum, the mad doctor transforms a quiet community into an army of flesh-eating zombies.

It's a showdown of limb-chopping, head-bursting proportions as Stern's nemesis, F.B.I. agent Susan Hannigan, and the local sheriff's department take on the zombie plague in the ultimate battle royale.

Wired just published a piece on the follow up to the lovely little piece of poo that is Monsturd.
(My Monsturd site.)

Could directors Rick Popko and Dan West think of anything worse than a serial killing shit monster?
Of course they could!

The new movie is called "The RetarDEAD" -- and I'll apologize to just about everyone ahead of time for its very existence. There's just no excuse.

I got to play the wife of one of the main characters this time!

I have some 'making of' videos and things to put up with me singing lead in a duet with Girl Trouble lead singer Kurt "KP" Kendall, and also singing backups with the "Retardettes."

Here's a
link to the mp3 -- I have the lyrics around here somewhere.

Oh and the song is totally available for remix:

The song is ultimately at the audience's expense. If that helps any.

I guess I forgot to post this earlier. It's my scene in the movie
Monsturd:

My Little Scene In Monsturd.

This will be on DVD later this month!

I sing the theme song too...

I play a small role and sing the theme song for Monsturd. The film will soon be released on DVD, but it's already starting to get some rave reviews from the video release:
Foywonder Squeezes Out A MONSTURD Review!!

MONSTURD is without question the greatest movie that Troma never made! Fortunately, filmmakers Dan West and Mike Popko, who also play the dimwitted deputies, didn’t make some of the same mistakes that Troma tends to. While I have enjoyed a few of Troma’s films, my favorite being MONSTER IN THE CLOSET which this film most closely resembles, many of them try so hard to be over-the-top from beginning to end that they devolve into being very abrasive movies loaded with obnoxious characters who feel compelled to constantly yell their lines. MONSTURD, on the other hand, is bold enough to play it with a straight face, much like an old A.I.P. monster movie, so that when the goofy stuff happens, it’s a lot funnier than it would have been if everything were done in an in-your-face manner. The acting is very relaxed and natural and nobody makes the mistake of trying to force they’re performance. While no one in the cast is going to win an Oscar anytime soon, nobody is particularly bad. It’s quite obvious that everyone on the screen is having a ball.

Here is the full text of the review in case the link goes bad:

http://www.aint-it-cool-news.com/display.cgi?id=13915

Tuesday, November 26, 2002
Foywonder Squeezes Out A MONSTURD Review!!
Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
Because sometimes you just feel like laughing...
MAN IN SHIT SUIT! MAN IN SHIT SUIT! MAN IN SHIT SUIT!

Don't know if you got this email from me with this review before because of a glitch with my mail server, so if not, then here it is and, if so, my apologies. If you love cult movies, then this one is certainly noteworthy.
MAN IN SHIT SUIT! MAN IN SHIT SUIT! MAN IN SHIT SUIT!

Most AICN reviewers give you their opinion of some of the most anticipated films of the day that they’ve been fortunate, or unfortunate in many cases, to get a sneak peak at. Me, I’m here to tell you about a new movie featuring a monster comprised entirely of human excrement and while this movie isn’t on the same cinematic plateau as MEGIDDO, it is still worthy of being brought to the attention of lovers of cult films. And yet, I feel no shame.

Now I suppose a direct-to-video movie about a 7-foot feces monster isn’t normally the kind of film that gets reviewed on Ain’t It Cool News, but then as I look over at the current Coaxial News section and see a glowing review of a random episode of SHE SPIES, I become fairly confident this review isn’t going to lower the bar any further.

The film I am here to tell you about is named MONSTURD and while it is the shittiest monster movie of all time, and I actually mean that in the literal sense, it is anything but crappy! Believe me, I’ve sat through both of those JACK FROST killer snowman movies, 4 out of 5 LEPRECHAUN films, those wretched RUMPELSTILSKIN/UNCLE SAM/PINNOCHIO horror films, the first two WISHMASTER movies, BENEATH LOCH NESS, the entire WARLOCK franchise, 3 out of 7 CHILDREN OF THE CORN films, FILIPINO BATMAN & ROBIN, every movie Hulk Hogan has ever made, and countless movies about killer snakes, bats, crocodiles, octopi, etc. that have been unleashed in video stores as of late all in seemingly futile quest to find an entertaining piece of celluloid schlock. So are the perils of a bad movie lover. Sometimes you just have to roll the dice and hope for a winner. After enduring all of the above, I can honestly say that even I’m surprised that MONSTURD would prove to be a breath of fresh air.

So what exactly is the plot of MONSTURD, you ask? Serial killer Jack Schmitt, infamous for killing people on the toilet and leaving messages scrawled on the wall that usually say something along the lines of “DON’T GET CAUGHT WITH YOUR PANTS DOWN,” escapes from prison and hides out in the sewers below Butte County’s peaceful suburbia. Meanwhile, an evil scientist who works for a research conglomerate called Dutech has developed a mutant strain of flesh-eating bacteria. Why? Well, we’re never really told. Hey, he’s evil! Because he is insane as well as evil, he decides to experiment by dumping a barrel of the stuff down into the sewers. When police confront the homicidal maniac, he ends up falling into a pool of the mad scientist’s chemical concoction. I assume you’ve seen SWAMP THING so you should know what happens next. Just substitute plant life with fecal matter and add the flesh-eating bacteria that can dissolve human flesh on contact, which is how the man-turd feeds. Everyone thinks that Schmitt is dead, but in fact he has transformed into a half-man/half-feces monster that dwells in the sewers and pops out of toilets to devour hapless victims. While the mad scientist anoints himself master and protector of his monstrous creation, the local sheriff, two bumbling deputies, and the female FBI agent who originally captured Schmitt join forces to warn the disbelieving populace and destroy the killer crap creature before the town’s Annual Chili Cook-Off. Did I mention that they attempt to accomplish this while wearing diaper armor and carrying super soakers loaded with Pepto-Bismol?

MONSTURD is without question the greatest movie that Troma never made! Fortunately, filmmakers Dan West and Mike Popko, who also play the dimwitted deputies, didn’t make some of the same mistakes that Troma tends to. While I have enjoyed a few of Troma’s films, my favorite being MONSTER IN THE CLOSET which this film most closely resembles, many of them try so hard to be over-the-top from beginning to end that they devolve into being very abrasive movies loaded with obnoxious characters who feel compelled to constantly yell their lines. MONSTURD, on the other hand, is bold enough to play it with a straight face, much like an old A.I.P. monster movie, so that when the goofy stuff happens, it’s a lot funnier than it would have been if everything were done in an in-your-face manner. The acting is very relaxed and natural and nobody makes the mistake of trying to force they’re performance. While no one in the cast is going to win an Oscar anytime soon, nobody is particularly bad. It’s quite obvious that everyone on the screen is having a ball.

Personally, I’ve never been a fan of gross-out humor, but surprisingly, MONSTURD is not loaded with wall-to-wall gross-out gags or an endless stream of poop jokes. While it definitely has more than it’s fair share of those, the grossest being the world’s longest vomiting scene, most of the humor is a bit more subtle like when a potential victim’s young daughter casually walks into the living room and tells her apathetic dad about the giant doodoo that came out of the toilet and started saying bad words or when someone tries to lure the mutated Mr. Hankey out of hiding by leaving a trail of cream corn on the ground while making fart noises as if it’s some sort of bird call or when the deputies drive around the town with a bullhorn advising citizens not to use their toilets and then listing other means by which they should relieve themselves. In addition, a lot of humor comes from the way in which this insanity plays out in traditional 50’s monster movie fashion. While this does create a lull in the loonacy every now and then as certain clichéd scenes have to play out, in the end it works to the film’s overall benefit. One can only imagine what relentless, stomach churning crap the Wayans Brothers would have bombarded the audience with if they were responsible for this film.

As for the title monster itself, I’m happy to say that it’s a good, old fashioned, rubber suit creation. Or as Harry would put it – MAN IN SHIT SUIT! It’s a disgusting looking pile of crap with arms and legs and a pointy head with bowel movements detailed all over it. While the crap creature’s costume is hardly a creation on the level of Stan Winston or Rick Baker, it’s still an extremely professional looking costume that would make Paul Blaisdell proud. Maybe it’s just me, but I thought it looked sorta like what one of the Rock Men costumes from 1959’s MISSILE TO THE MOON would look like after somebody took a flamethrower to it. Oh, just as the mummy in the recent MUMMY films was terrified of cats, the man-turd is deathly afraid of flies or as it bemoans in a frightened Frankenstein-like voice, “Flies hurt the shit man! Flies eat the shit man!”

As strange as this might sound, MONSTURD is actually a very nice looking movie. It’s hard to believe this movie was made for only $3,000 because it has really nice production values for such a low budget feature. Visually, it’s far more impressive than most other shot on video films like THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT. Hell, this $3,000 shot-on-video movie looks better than most Troma and Full Moon productions that have much larger budgets.

Now with all that said, the movie does have its fair share of shortcomings. For starters, the film has bookends featuring a daughter telling her father the story of the movie and the film cuts back to them a few times along the way as she acts as the movie’s narrator. I really don’t think they were necessary, but at least the big punchline she delivers at the film’s end was pretty funny. Then, there’s the subplot about widower sheriff and the hint of romance between him and the female FBI agent. This staple of lazy Hollywood screenwriting manages to fall flat even when the spoof film attempts to poke fun at the cliché. My biggest disappointment is that the build up to the final showdown with the bowel movement behemoth is about 10 times longer than the actual battle. This short, abrupt climactic battle seems to have been a casualty of the movie’s miniscule budget.

Still, it’s impossible to not like a movie that features dialogue like “The shit man’s got me, Bobby!” and has a scene where a police sketch artist attempts to draw a detailed picture of the creature while casually asking the witness if she saw any nuts in it and, if so, could she describe what kind of nuts they were. And let’s not forget the song that plays during the closing credits. Entitled NUMBER TWO: THE BALLAD OF THE MONSTURD, it sounds like something Cybil Shepard would perform in her lounge act were she whacked out of her mind on painkillers at the time.

While MONSTURD doesn’t quite reach the level of such classics as KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER, it’s still an inspired nugget of utter loonacy that’s destined to gain a cult following. According to co-director Popko, Dead Alive Productions, an affiliate of Spectrum Films, has picked up distribution rights and plans to release the film on video and DVD on April 8th. But if you can’t wait that long, you can purchase a VHS copy of the film directly from the filmmakers by logging on to the movie’s homepage www.monsturd.com where you can also watch the trailer and listen to the theme song. If this movie sounds like your cup of tea, I recommend you give it a look. There’s never been anything quite like MONSTURD and somehow I doubt there ever will be again.

The Foywonder
Thanks, man. And if you want a laugh, folks, plug “Megiddo” into our search engine and check out Foy’s review for that one, too...
"Moriarty" out.

Click for previous story Talk Back More on this story Click for next story

1. "a new movie featuring a monster comprised entirely of human excrement" 2002-11-26 08:21:36
2. I'm still trying to decipher what Salma Hayek said during that scene 2002-11-26 08:25:48
ACTUALLY, the shit monster was first done long ago in the 70s 2002-11-26 08:57:31
Wow, and I thought this was another bad review of THE LIFE OF DAVID GALE or VIEW FROM THE TOP 2002-11-26 09:04:37
Jack Schmitt 2002-11-26 09:14:51
Monsturd vs. Jack Frost 2002-11-26 09:54:21
This guy is a total studio plant! 2002-11-26 11:15:00
I'm no plant, and I have seen MONSTURD and the damn thing is FUNNY! No ifs, ands or butts about it, you'll be flush from laughing so hard. No shit.) 2002-11-26 17:12:42
I'm no plant, and I have seen MONSTURD and the damn thing is FUNNY! No ifs, ands or butts about it, you'll be flush from laughing so hard. No shit.) 2002-11-26 17:16:14
In the immortal words of Rick McCallum 2002-11-26 17:36:10
What, no Hulk Hogan references yet? 2002-11-26 17:38:31
I guess nothing is sacred in the movie industry... 2002-11-26 19:09:14
I wanna see Hulk Hogan as Steven "Sh*t For Brains" Seagal in "On Doody Ground" 2002-11-26 19:51:59
YOU HAD ME FROM THE WORD "SHIT" 2002-11-26 20:12:18

Yeah so my little part and theme song for Monsturd went over pretty well over the weekend. Merlin Mann wrote up a nice review.

I think half the thrill on Friday night was having so many friends in the audience laughing at every little thing. But it was a different kind of thrill on Sunday afternoon hearing complete strangers laugh at all the same jokes -- in just the right places. Many of them stayed after just to laugh at the credits and the theme song.

My buddies Rick Popko and Dan West really pulled this one off!

I'll have my own little Monsturd web site up soon, with stills from my scenes and stuff. Stay tuned.

Come see me in my acting debut!

Monsturd premiere's tonight at 8pm at the Victoria Theatre in San Francisco. I play the wife of the first victim and sing the Theme Song:
Number Two: The Ballad of the Monsturd.

So far it's gotten some great reviews! Here's one from SF Examiner.

I have a small part in Monsturd, a horror-satire about a giant evil toxic turd that wreaks havoc on an unsuspecting town!

I'm the wife of the first hapless victim!

I also sing the theme song: Number Two! (I'll be posting an MP3 of it here any day now...)

I'll be at the Monsturd Premiere June 7th at 8pm at the Victoria Theatre, 16th and Mission, San Francisco.

MONSTURD opens Friday, June 7 at the Victoria Theatre, 2961 16th Street, San Francisco (at Mission across from the 16th street BART station). Show times are: Friday, June 7 at 8 p.m., Saturday, June 8 at 8 and 10 p.m., and Sunday, June 9 at 3 p.m. Tickets are $6.