DOWN-UNDER NEEDS HELP FROM ON-HIGH
by
MARY DAGMAR DAVIES

Australians love Americans but the starstruck support and endorsement of every Presidential utterance, from Britain's Tony Blair and Australia's John Howard, is perplexing. Indeed, this 'War on Terror' has become downright terrifying for compassionate Aussie.

Anyone who has seen 'Rabbit Proof Fence' knows what an Australian Government is capable of doing. The friendly multi-cultural Australia that welcomed the world to the 2000 Olympics is all but finished. A Neo-White Australia Policy is in place. Refugees, Indigenous Australians, Muslims and anyone who can be identified as 'different' are indiscriminately vilified and ridiculed in the popular media. Truth has given way to propaganda, ill-informed ecstatic hatred is freely voiced and condoned. And those who oppose war and support human rights are ridiculed or ignored. When the powers that be don't want to listen you feel the desperate need to go over their heads.

----- Original Message -----
From: Mary Dagmar Davies
To: jesuschrist@heaven.com
Sent: Sunday, January 5, 2003 6.30 PM
Subject: Miracle required 2003

Dear Jesus,
I guess you've were deluged with birthday prayers. If you've had time to open them all you've got to be worried. I am, hence the email. There was some talk of a return visit last time you were here. Got to tell you, now would be good. Now would be excellent. So I would like to invite you, in your capacity of the Prince of Peace, to visit Australia as part of a second world trip this year.

Last time there was only the Pharisees, the Sanhedrin, Pontius Pilate and his head office back in Rome to worry about. Mate, you should just see what's going down now. Remember after the Tower of Babel was flattened? Same thing all over again no one wants to understand anyone else and they aren't listening to anyone even when they are speaking the same language. So come now, please.

If you could slip into your luggage some basic morality kits and any spare commandments your father has kept that didn't make it to the final draft. You'll need them when you meet the government. They'll have to be gift wrapped. It's just that you can't get anywhere near some politicians unless they think they're going to get something out of it. A lot of them claim to be good Christians but it really doesn't mean they share your values or even understand what you were on about. Remember that phrase you used "Suffer the little children"? Jesus, they have taken that literally; they are making the little children suffer. They've got little kids locked up behind razor wire, they're splitting up families, they didn't even seem that fussed when 146 children drowned. The children are suffering all right and so are their mums, just because they are wearing the same kind of clobber your mother used to wear.

By the way, when you refer to your Dad, don't use the name Allah. Few people here know that is one of His names. Jehovah's fine, the Almighty, God of course and the Lord but the majority of people here seem to think 'Allah' is a different being entirely and they want to blame Him for everything. It's quite unjustified but 'Allah' is copping heaps. So are the decent, law abiding Australians who follow the Koran and pray to Allah. It's a matter of record how opposed you are to injustice of this kind but as a visitor and a human rights activist you will need caution. Since fires of desperation swept through five of the detention 'facilities' on New Years Eve and Baxter lost it's five star rating things have got even tougher. One word out of place could have you banged up incommunicado behind the electrified walls of an upgraded. state of the art, fire proofed, maximum security detention facility before you can say "g'day". Who knows what could happen. You and your message might just disappear entirely. Like forever.

Forget the fisherman stuff too, for your Dad's sake, don't come by fishing boat. Forget boats, fly or just manifest yourself, I know you can walk on water but if you're coming to Australia you'll have to watch your step. No donkeys, you'll need a limo, humility doesn't cut the mustard anymore. Oh yeah ... better shave your beard and wear a suit, Saville Row or Armani nothing cheap. Poverty has become even more unacceptable since you were last here. If you're planning to cover your head could I suggest an Akubra or a baseball cap in the conservative position not reversed. Robes of any kind are regarded with suspicion. Trousers are mandatory for men and women have to wear suits or next to nothing. The last thing you need is a savaging from conservative Christians, fundamentalist Clerics, televangelists or born-again enthusiasts who think the 'end-time' is nigh.

Image is everything. You may need to think about a makeover. I mean you did a wonderful job as a carpenter of middle eastern appearance on the last trip. But this time you wouldn't even make it through immigration let alone be allowed to spread the word. As a carpenter the best you could do is a lifestyle show on television. Sure you'd get to more people than you could on the news, and you would have the a celebrity status which is a real plus, but it is limiting and if the show got axed it would be 'all over red rover'. As far as race is concerned Black won't work. George W. Bush and John W. Howard seem to pay absolutely no attention to the Secretary General of the United Nations, John Howard won't even say sorry to the Aborigines and their leaders are absolutely inspiring, Asian is okay at the moment but how long that will last is anyone's guess.

Avoid extremes in any makeover. Women might represent over half the world population and do most of the work but when the blokes grabbed all the executive roles in all the major Churches they got to make all the rules and when governments were formed they did it again. If you chose to be a woman your message would disappear as your weight, clothes, and age would get the bulk media interest and public attention. Homosexuality is out too because efforts might be made to smear you and denigrate the message of your previous visit as much of the time you were in the company twelve other fellas.

I really think the best bet is to come as a rich and influential white American male. Preferably tall, blue eyed, aged about 40 with movie star looks, an athletic body, perfect teeth and a dazzling smile. Go easy on intellect because intelligence, expertise and experience have been devalued of late and would instantly trigger the Howard Government's effective and well oiled Denial Machine. So stick to good natured humour and lay on the compliments with a trowel and really push the friendship with Australia buttons. Goes down well with the Prime Minister because when Americans use this country's name in flattering terms he thinks they are really talking about him.

Also as a white American you will not be suspected of being a terrorist or having a hand in the proliferation of weapons of mass destruction or chemical weapons even though Americans proliferated like beavers during the cold war. And you can go for broke on peace because they'll think you are following a White House directive to calm the nervy allies. With luck, couple of bottles of fine wine and a gourmet banquet inside them, they will probably endorse your views publicly before they realise you meant what you said. About the meal, these are people used to priviledge. Loaves and fishes would antagonise them they expect the best of everything.

Jesus, your Dad is omni-present, all-powerful and sees everything but I am told He does it with love. Our Government is trying to get the same sort of powers through parliament but love has nothing to do with it. No love, no compassion, nothing.

We need you to go to Canberra and sort them out, Jesus. Howard's cabinet is tough, they make the Pharisees seem like wimps. They have to listen to you. They just have to. They haven't listened to any of your representatives, or the representatives of any of the Trinity and your Mum's representatives, or the United Nations, or anyone who knows about diplomacy, the law, human rights or the perils of War. Together with much of the media they have ignored the thousands and thousands of caring Australians supporting refugees. Best not to mention you were a refugee or they'll ignore you too.

They have to know you're serious. Jesus, do you remember that fun day at the temple when you did your block? Throwing money on the floor might get their attention. I don't know. Miracles are your department and if enough members of the cabinet experience an epiphany and open their hearts to the refugees it will be a miracle. It will be awesome.

But don't hang round afterwards. It's not that they crucify people anymore but they like recycling unthinkably lousy policies so it's best not to give them any ideas. In just three terms of Government they've brought back the White Australia Policy, racism, religious intolerance and the police state. They have torn families apart and made the country a penal colony again. I'll tell you if they managed to get that lot through they'd have no trouble selling crucifixion to the gullible masses through their functionaries on talkback radio . Anyhow you've got to take care of yourself, so you can take care of business on a global scale because this new world order stuff seems pretty frightening.

The world's Governments might be made up mostly of men and most of the leaders will be retired in the next couple of years but they are really not very grown up they still like to play with toys. And Jesus, these toys are lethal, and they're all wound up set up in attack mode and ready to go. The tiny soldiers are the young and the fragile like their targets and they are made of flesh and blood like their targets. The big boys are perfectly safe in their parliamentary playrooms but it is about time discipline was restored. Jesus, please to tell them to put the toys away and stop being silly before someone gets hurt or they blow up this beautiful world.

We need a messiah, Jesus. We need one right now. Actually we need a saviour.

Mary Dagmar Davies